When engaging with couples, there are some techniques that I have found to be incredibly helpful.
Here are just 5 exercises that I feel if you give them a shot, it's a step towards the best version of your relationship yet.
1. Co-create a relationship vision
Do you know where your relationship fits into each of your life goals?
As every person has dreams for their future self and personal aspirations, so do they for their relationship.
When two people have conflicting ideas for the future, it can be difficult to move forward.
It is helpful to discuss and write down goals, and then collect pictures that embody your relationship desires.
Creating a vision board together can help remind you of your shared desires and goals. A physical board becomes a tangible reminder that your partnership is a work in progress, and that it takes hard work and time on both ends to create a strong, healthy, and long-lasting relationship.
2. Identify your partner’s love language
In Dr. Gary Chapman's book, “The 5 Love Languages”, couples can identify what makes each partner feel loved, since each person has a preferred way of receiving love.
This is important because even though you have chosen this person to be in a relationship with, that does not necessarily mean that you both experience love in the same way.
Understanding the five love languages creates an opportunity for partners to show up for each other in a way that the other appreciates.
Here's the list:
1. Receiving gifts
2. Acts of service
3. Words of affirmation
4. Quality time
5. Physical touch
Talk with your partner, read the book together, or even take an online quiz to discover your individual love language and better understand how to best show love to each other.
Then add it to your vision board ;)
3. Listen actively
Are you an active or passive listener?
Most of us are passive listener's - we listen to respond to our partner's instead of truly understanding what it is that they are trying to tell us.
When you become an active listener, you ask questions out of curiosity and empathy. This shows support and makes your partner feel cared for in your relationship.
If you spend a few moments discussing your partner’s plans for the day ahead or hopes for how a meeting will go, you may say "tell me more about that?" or "I'm trying to understand your perspective".
If you would like to share how you felt about something that happened between you both, you could use “I” phrases instead of “you” statements. For example, try saying “I feel hurt when you do [X]” instead of “You’re wrong for doing [X].”
When partners take turns being active listeners, it is a highly beneficial exercise as it encourages healthy communication and conflict resolution skills for the couple. Intentionally make time and space for it, either at the dinner table or just before bed.
4. Speak your love languages
It's often easier to talk about love languages than to actually speak it in your partner's language!
Write down three things your partner could do weekly that would make you happy. Since you know yourself best, it is now time to express those things that you would like from your partner.
Share your list with one another while being an active listener.
The lists may not be something your partner can do every day, but a reminder of things they can manage to do once a week to help build trust and communication.
Since we all show and need affection in different ways, and honoring those differences is essential to feeling heard and understood, having a list to follow makes all attempts at connection that much more achievable.
5. Schedule each other in
It's difficult to active listen or speak a love language if there's no real opportunity to do so in the day or week.
So, pencil in one-on-one time and schedule important conversations.
Scheduling an hour of "couples time" to get intimate is a great start. Setting aside allocated time to focus on topics that will help improve the relationship can be done several times a week or even just once a week at the start.
Even more importantly is if you're looking to have an important or difficult discussion with your partner.
Serious talks are best when you have a plan, so schedule tough conversations in advance.
This way, no-one is caught off guard and you both will be in a frame of mind where you can thoughtfully engage in conversation.
One final note
Lastly, when you express gratitude and communicate what works for you in the relationship, this can help strengthen your appreciation for one another.
In-person conversations, texts, or a sticky note in a place your partner will find it are all ways to say thanks for doing life with me.
If distraction and a feeling of absenteeism is infiltrating your relationship, experiment with setting aside time to try out these exercises.
Looking forward to hearing how these exercises have worked for you!
Hmrithi
